FYI. I’m going to get this wrong

Last year, during a coaching supervision session I was grappling with being a Good Girl - I’m being dramatic but I’m trained as a life coach and the rules are that you shouldn’t bring yourself into the coaching space. No unsolicited opinions, biases or perspective-sharing allowed. Unless you explicitly  ask for permission to do that (which is tricky because who says NO when someone politely asks to share their perspective??? Nada, no one)

I was reflecting on some of my favourite things to work on with clients and the journey clients have come to find me and felt in my gut that I was doing a deserve twisting myself into knots trying NOT to share my neurospicy perspective, or inner-city wisdom - not as a replacement to their experience or the challenge at hand but as my intimate way of telling them - I see you, and not only have I been there, I’m there now and here’s what I’m thinking and learning.

In the online space people talk a lot about authenticity and vulnerability and storytelling. But what I’m more interested in is resonance and that only shows up by saying or expressing the-thing and delivering a bat signal to anyone else around that jumps to their similar experience or that of a friends. It’s the moment of hearing or listening that makes you instinctively go “snap” in your mind. And in many moments can be an enthusiastic head nod or hug that you need.

So, when my peer said “Who we are is how we coach” I realised I had come face to face with the final boss of masking that had to go in this new season of my life. It was doing a disservice to everyone I served to pretend to be neurotypical, pretend to have it figured out, pretend not to have intuition and instinct about things that I was willing to share.

So I decided not to, and so now I as approach the 2nd phase of my body of work as a coach I realise that this commitment means I’m going to get it wrong.

You see, my mission of making work work together will mean that I will both intentionally and unintentionally but the lived experiences of myself and those close to me and in my awareness in mind. And just like the rest of you mere mortals - I can’t know everything. However, it’s important to me to grow in aforementioned knowing.

Of myself

Of those close

Of others

So this is my way of declaring that 2 things can be true and also requesting your feedback and advice as I take steps forward. As an adage to my DEI consultant days I used to remind folks that everyone has a first-day of knowing something, a first time they meet someone who is other or realise the language they used unintentionally hurt someone, the moment they ask why their friends are boycotting a product and choose to redefine family and parenting for themselves.

We’re going to step on toes, but as long as we’re marching together - I want to believe we’ll be ok. And I don’t say that as some sort of visionary, I say that as a facilitator and a human who’s ready to apologise and learn from the mistakes of the past but also those guaranteed in the future.